Friday, March 26, 2010

week 5 post 1

This week has been really good! I've been pretty much spot on! I've gotten my calories right, and the breakdown of the carbs/proteins/fats right. Amazing. Last week I couldn't get any of it right and this week all my numbers are right. I have to be okay with the times I don't get it right.

The only issue this week is that I took on a new shift at my computer lab and when I looked at my calendar to make sure I didn't have any conflicts I needed to reschedule I didn't see a meeting with Manuel. So I had to cancel that meeting, go on the wait list, and hope that someone else canceled theirs. That didn't happen. Everybody has, thus far, kept their appointments. I guess I won't see Manuel till next week.

I have a haircut scheduled right before I see him. I told Mike today that I wanted to go into the meeting saying that I had my hairdresser weigh the hair so I could subtract that from the total on the weigh-in and know what I REALLY lost over these weeks and see what Manuel does. Could be fun!

I have noticed that sometimes I have more energy than before and sometimes I have less. I have been sleeping regularly, and that's a HUGE change from before. I have had sleep issues for as many years as I can remember. I can feel my body changing shape. I haven't had to "suck it in" when I put on things that have just come out of the dryer (that's a nice change). And the things that had started becoming tight before I started with Mike are no longer tight. Yay!

Also, this week was free pastry day at Starbuck's and free cone day at Ben & Jerry's. I've never been to free cone day because I've just never cared that much about ice cream. But I've thought about it every year just because it's free. And the Starbuck's thing... I don't even like the pastries at Starbuck's, but I seriously considered that as well! I didn't end up going to either of them, but I hadn't been able to get pastry and ice cream out of my head. So I looked at what fat and calories I had left in my day and looked at what I had in the house: girl scout cookies and some Ben and Jerry's ice cream. I put all the choices into the online food diary from MV Nutrition and made a conscious choice of what sugar I would eat and how much of it. I ended up eith a serving, 1/2 cup, of Ben and Jerry's everything but the... because it has all sorts of stuff in it, particularly Reese's peanut butter cups, my absolute favorite. Half a cup is a lot of ice cream for me. My leg started shaking. Sugar jitters. Tasted good though. That was the first day I actually ate as much fat as I was supposed to (no surprise, huh?).

Thursday, March 25, 2010

week 4 post 3, Things are feeling better.

Even though I totally stressed out about getting to my workout late today (after leaving for the gym 20 mins earlier than normal I arrived late. Thank you, Muni.), the workout was really good. Mike has me working a lot on pull ups of all different kinds. they're really hard to do, but they leave me feeling like I'm moving forward. One day I'll be able to do one unassisted!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

week 4, 2nd post Not as bad

Today is Thursday. I saw Manuel on Tuesday. We talked about the weekend and he told me that I hadn't screwed up as badly as I thought. He told me that I needed to get some "backup" meat; things like canned tuna to have around the house so that I'm not out of the things I need. That was helpful. We talked about snacks that I can carry so that I'm not starving if I get caught out longer than I expect.

He asked me if I wanted to get weighed even though it had only been a few days. I said sure. He said that I had lost a little over 6 pounds. I said that I wasn't sure that was correct. I remembered having worn a pair of trousers that were much heavier for the first weigh in. He looked at me as if I had lost my mind. I said I thought I may have only lost about 4 pounds, but that was a good start. He said that the scale said 6 and that was what he was going to tell MIke I'd lost. He also told me that I needed to calm down, stop being so stressed about it all.

Later, at home I really freaked out about it all. I had no idea what was going on but I was really upset. Rhonda said I could cry on her shoulder if I wanted and I took her up on it. She had no idea what she was getting herself into with that and neither did I. I just let loose. I cried like someone had died. I couldn't control myself. Rhonda was a bit shocked and again I got the now infamous, "You really need to calm down!"

Wednesday I finally figured out what was happening. When I recognized that I had been crying like someone had died I realized that I actually was grieving. I was mourning for all the years I'd tried to lose weight but couldn't, for all the times I felt humiliated and was yelled at (yes, yelled at for being fat). I was grieving for letting myself down for years and putting my health at such risk.

And I was scared that I would screw it up or just not be able to do it or it wouldn't work for whatever reasons. And I felt like I have all these people counting on me. I have Mike, Billy and Manuel who chose me over however many people to do this, I have Rhonda who wants me to be healthy, I have my mother/sister/brother who want me to get healthy.

I put so much pressure on myself that I had no chance of living up to it.

I hope that this realization makes calming down easier.

week 4 post 1, Total disaster

Today is Monday and this last weekend was the first few days of the new eating plan. It was a total disaster!

I'm supposed to eat 1800 calories a day and I didn't come close to that either day. I was out most of the weekend and didn't expect to be. I didn't bring enough food with me. I ended up so hungry all weekend and didn't do the number of small meals I was supposed to do. I've been told that the balance between Calories In and Out is fairly delicate and that eating less than the 1800 calories per day could really screw up what we're trying to do. I have been stressing all weekend long that I'm screwing this up! Two days in and I'm already screwing this up.

I didn't do much better today. Most of my protein has been from cheese because I haven't been able to cook the chicken that I usually cook to have over the week. So the cheese is bumping up the calories and I can't get close to the number of proteins and carbs and such without going over the calorie limit today. So, again today, I'm doing it wrong.

I don't know what to do. Rhonda, my girlfriend, keeps telling me to calm down. Easier said than done.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

week 3 post 2

I met with Manuel again for the metabolic rate test and official weigh-in (261 by his scale) to get my starting weight and numbers. He talked with me about the concepts of calories in and calories out and how much is too much out. That's been a big issue of mine, doing too much exercise and sending my body into so much stress that it holds onto every calorie.

He's asked me to do no more than and average of 400 calories out from exercise per day. So if my workouts with Mike burn about 500 calories and my cardio for that day is about 700, that's 1100 calories/7, that's about 157 calories per day so far.

I felt really guilty because I wasn't able to get to the store yet to buy the stuff for the new breakfasts and snacks, so that hasn't changed yet. I've been eating really healthy stuff, but not what he asked me too. I also wasn't able to get a heart rate monitor to get the accurate calorie count of the workouts with Mike. I was frustrated with myself for not getting to it even though my schedule just couldn't allow it. But I'll get to it tommorrow, my regular shopping day for the week.

So Manuel came up with a preliminary eating plan for me with guesses for how many calorie and their breakdown into carbs, proteins, etc. until I can get the right counts to him.

week 3

Hello! I have been working with Mike this week and loving it! He kicked my butt this week- Funny! I was thinking that the workouts weren't as intense as my old workouts had been and, then, what do ya know? They got harder!

He upped the weights and started with a bunch of push-ups. Push-ups are very hard for me. This week I did them on the floor and on a bar, pull ups on the bar (even harder than push-ups), and planks on the bar. He's shown me some yoga poses that are particularly challenging and I'm excited to see if I can do them at some point.

I had my first meeting with Manuel this week. Really nice guy, too. He gave me a bunch of computer surveys to do before meeting with him. We talked about what my schedule is like and what kind of eating plan I need in order to make things easy for me to follow. We also talked about my workouts with Mike so Manuel could get a sense of how many calories I'm burning.

He asked me to make some small changes before he gives me an eating plan. He changed my breakfast to something much larger than what I'd been having and asked that my snacks all contain protein. I'll have to go shopping.

week 2

This week my trainer Mike was on vacation. He had asked me if I wanted to start before or after he went on vacation. I said before and that I would work out on my own the 2nd week while he was gone. So he set me up with the Diakadi website where you can log in and see what exercises you've been doing with your trainer and they have videos of how to do the exercises. Those we're very helpful to watch to be able put an exercise with a name of an exercise, and yet I still did some of them wrong when I got to the gym. Oh well! I got the gist of them. And by the 2nd day I was doing them properly.

I did 5 days alternating between the 2 different full workouts he set up for me. And I did a ton of work with the roller. I LOVE that thing! It's like getting a deep tissue massage exactly where you need it at your own pace. You can concentrate on the areas you need most and by the end you're completely relaxed. Mike gave me one of those so I could use it at home. When I don't use it now I feel a very noticeable difference. My balance is definitely better when I've used the roller.

I still haven't met with Manuel, but I will next week. I have to admit, I've been eating things that I know I won't be eating for a while when I start with Manuel. I know that he's all about not cutting things completely out of the diet. He wants to create things that people will stick with. But I doubt I'll feel right eating a plate of nachos or a burrito after I start with him.