Gained 4 pounds

I waited a week and then weighed myself. I gained 4 pounds over the holidays. Mike, my trainer, could see it when I saw him the first time back. He looked a bit shocked when he saw me.

I can tell you that I felt very differently about this weight gain than others in the past. This time it felt like something that was kind of foreign, and definitely temporary.

I got on track that week and by the time I saw Manuel on Friday I had lost 3 of the 4 pounds. It came off very easily.

But the weeks after have been SO INCREDIBLY HARD! For whatever reason, I have had insane cravings for everything I shouldn't be eating. I've wanted donuts, chocolate, cake, pancakes, peanut butter cups, etc, etc, etc. The cravings have been overwhelming, to the point of going out of my way to seek out the things I'm craving. I can't remember ever feeling cravings this strong.

I don't know whether I want them because something tripped this off when I went home and ate all the things I shouldn't have eaten, or if this has to do with the fact that I'm around the 200lb mark, or what. I talked about all this with my therapist and with Manuel, my dietitian. My therapist said that If you have an intolerance for something, like I seem to have with wheat and nuts, when you eat those items you do crave them in an addict sort of way. There is a real chemical reaction that occurs and you feel you need to eat those things. When I spoke with Manuel we talked about any number of reasons why I may have the cravings. Maybe it's chemical, maybe it's mental, maybe it's a mixture. But at the end of the conversation he said something great- that a lot of times people get so caught up in why they're doing things that they never make it to not doing the thing. And that's where I'm at. I just need to stop eating them. It may be difficult, but if I don't stop now, then I'll gain more weight back and still have to find a way to stop. A little 'Come to Jesus' talk, as we would call it in Texas.

I did lose the other pound, by the way. I'm back where I was before leaving on the trip. And the last few days have been really on target I'm happy to say.

I told myself I just want to see 190. I feel like if I can make it to 190 then I'll really be past that mystical 200 that seems to mire me down so often and will be mentally out of the woods. So that's my mini-goal. 190. I feel back on track, happily so. Ready to get classes started again so that I can get to work.